I got it! Just for a minute anyway - I really got it.

OK - TMI - it's late and I just had to get out of our bed to type this. DH and I just "got back together" after not having a chance to for a while. He was sick, then we were tired and swamped with kids ect, then I got sick. So let's just say it's been a WHILE. Poor guy.

I told ya that to tell you this. During - the um, best part, I said "Oh G--" K- I normally don't do that anymore. Say G-- if I'm not talkin to him I mean. So anyway. Afterwards, laying in my hubby's arms, both of us relaxed, cuddling. I sent up a prayer - "Sorry G-- but wow! What a gift you give us"

And then I GOT IT! WHAT an amazing gift sex is. REALLY. In all this time I didn't get it. I have been married for 8 years (next month!) and I DIDN'T GET IT!!

I guess I should feel a little cheated. I don't though. I feel blessed to have finally gotten it. Sex is SUCH a gift to us, it binds us closer as a couple, it creates our children, and it's fun! All this time I have thought of it as ok.

As a teenager it was a way to get boys to like me. I was NOT a "good" girl. I wanted to be a "good" girl that the moms liked but I wanted the boys to like me so.... I didn't get that boys who LIKED ME - the real me - wouldn't have talked me into doing something I really didn't want to (DH included in HS anyway). I had sex way too young and way too much (not as much as some, and no pregnancies) and got a reputation. I pray I can teach my daughter differently so she gets it sooner than I did.

As a "adult" (because 18/19 is soooooooo adult) I used it as a tool to manipulate boys. And even as a married woman, I have not always enjoyed sex. It was another thing on the "to do" list (excuse the pun) especially after the kids were born. It was fun sometimes but for me - sometimes it was just giving in because he wanted to, or pushing him away. My DH must really love me. THANK YOU GOD!

So tonight, I got it. Sex is a gift, not a currency, and should be treated as special, I don't mean hearts and flowers all the time, but I need to remember even when I have days where I feel like it's a chore, that sex is a GIFT FROM GOD. It's a special thing in my marriage - not just something to do on our anniversary, it's there to bind us, please us, and please God.

Thanks God -- tonight I finally got it.